Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Rise Of Arsenal in 5 panels.

 There is something REALLY wrong when Batman is the most appropriately dressed in a crowd.
Arm goes on, arm goes of, arm goes on...
 I'm the Ghost Of Christmas Should Never Have Happened.
 Put down the dead cat and nobody gets hurt.
Do you think there is a free spot on Team Youngblood for me?

The Stanford Incident.

didn't plan on talking about anything else but the 26 first issue of New Warriors, but a fan has "demanded" that I should tell my opinion about the Stanford Incident from Civil War. And I cant refuse to accept a fan request... I should probably see a doctor of a sort... 
I do not like Civil War. Not so much because of the actual story, but because of a truckload of potential the story have, but didn't live up to. I could point fingers at Millar, who by the way are FAR from being one of my favorite writers, but it is just as much Marvels fault for wanting to move on with the next new big crossover. But that is not really my problem with Civil War.
I disagree in the way Cap has been written, but I am ready to discus it. I do not like the idea of Tony making a Thor-cyborg/clone(?), but that is my opinion. Again, THAT is not my real problem.
My problem is the New Warriors.
Are there really nothing but a handful of people who notice this HUGH mistake that Millar have made by blowing up the Warriors? Can anyone tell me what is wrong with this page?
First of all, the New Warriors are NOT IDIOTS! They have been in the game for a looong time. The only newbie is Microbe, Night Thrashers foster son. But the other three?
I has been said that Night Thrasher is Marvels black Batman ripoff, and their is some truth to that. After all he has trained the most of his life to fight crime, and spent an ocean of money on his training and tutors. Namorita is the cosine of Namor The FLIPPING Submariner, and a trained Atlantian warrior. And Speedball may not have any training, but he is a funding member of the Warriors, and have been part of the team even longer than Nita and Thrasher.
And how come they follow orders from Speedball? Lets just say, for the sake of the argument, that Speedball is a idiot (BTW, he's not, he just like to take the situation with a smile), why would they follow orders from him? Bout Nita and Thrash have been leaders, so if anyone should run the team, it should be one of them.
And the Warriors have been in situations like this before, and they know better than to just storm a bunch of bad-guys without a proper plan, ESPECIALLY when its close to a school with kids. Hell, they have been part of war. They know a thing or two about responsibility.
And finally, THERE IS NO REALITY SHOW AT THE MOMENT!!! It was cancelled, in New Warriors vol. 3 issue 6. Did Millar do any research at all? Maybe he just goggled "teen heroes Marvel" and found the New Warriors. They are not even teenagers when Civil War was written! 
I do not claim to have the same author-qualifications as Millar, but if Civil War needed some irresponsible heroes to screw up, why not make some new? It would make sense with a bunch of random stupid kids, who founded a group on the net, and then made a fatal mistake.
I understand that it is quite difficult to remember every single detail of every single character (like retcons, they can be a pain in the ass) but a little prereading is all I'm asking for
Look, I'm not saying that the way that Millar treated the Warriors makes it a bad book, it just... well... I just really like this guys. And I just think that its sad that they weren't important enough for Millar or the readers. If they were, they would have been revived by now (but then again, Mockinbird were dead for over 15 years before she came back). But that's really what it all comes down to: The New Warriors weren't important for anyone.
Nobody cared, so... that's it.
I'm Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

New Warriors Look-Back; issue 5-10.

When you are a superhero, you will eventually end up in space. Issue 5 to 6 is the story about the New Warrior's first trip.
A superhuman named Star Thief has appeared, and he sabotages space launches. It gets the attention of the New Warriors, who decides to do something about it. But they also learn hat the rocket that Star Thief wants to stop carries hazardous wast chemicals from Stane-International, so even though they are trying to stop Star Thief, they can,t let the rocket leave Earth either.
During the fight with both the Stane-Internationals security mandroids (mandroids, GOD, I LOVE COMICS!), and Star Thief, the rocket gets fired off, with Namorita, Firestar, Marvel Boy and Star Thief on it. And its aimed at the moon.
Nova is less than happy bout his teammates getting send into space in a flying chemical trashcan, and after a little "chat" with the project coordinator at the space facility, we learn that the rocket isn't just a way to get rid of the chemical waist for Stane-International, but also to attack the Inhumans who live on the moon in the city Attilan. Stane is interested in the Inhumans advanced city and it's technology, and therefor wants them out of the way so it can be studied (have anyone noticed that the not-stupid geniuses in the Marvel Universe is the evil ones? Just saying).
Meanwhile, there is problems on the rocket. It weren't meant to have passengers on it, and it gets worse when Star Thief claims that the rocket must be destroyed before it pollutes the atmosphere. But luckily, they are saved by the dog-like Inhuman Lockjaw, who has the power of teleportation. But the rocket is still flying at to moon.
Nova, Speedball and Night Thrasher can't come to get their teammates back to the planet, because a fire has started at the space station , so they must help the Stane-Industry mandroids (mandroids, freaking awesome!) with stopping the fire and saving the workers on the station.
Meanwhile, Star Thief has gone berserk on the Inhumans because of his spacephobia, but after trying to attack the Inhumans "neighbor" the Watcher, he is subdued. The Watcher lets him see a peek of the infinite universe, and Star Thief realize how little Earth is compared to the rest of the universe and that exploring space is necessary.
Star Thief, is finally calm, and just in time to save the moon with Black Bolt and Firestar by incinerating the rocket before it can reach the moon. Firestar, Marvel Boy and Nita gets teleported home with Lockjaw, but Star Thief stays with the Inhumans so he can try to rediscover his humanity (because finding you humanity among the INHUMANS makes perfect sense:P). This is a pretty kick-ass story. Half of the heroes are in space, assisting in the rescue of the moon-city Attilan, and the rest of the team are firefighting, and we have them team-up with bout the Inhumans and freaking mandoids(!) in the two issues. Too bad I cant say that about what comes next.
This time, a Vietnamese assassin named Bengal seeks revenge on a priest named Janes. When Bengal was a boy, all the people in his town were slaughtered by American soldiers, with the exception of Bengal, who would train in the art of killing, so that he could avenge his town. Janes is next on his list. Luckily, Silhouette knows the priest, and gets Night Thrasher to help. But then the Punisher appears too. He's after Sil, because he believe she still has connection to her brother's gang in China Town, so after taking care of Bengal, Thrash has to fight the Punisher too.
Yeah, it was kind of awkward for the Punisher once he realized that he had made a mistake...
And we finally learn that, like Midnight's Fire, Silhuette has powers too; she can melt into shadows and teleport trough them.
Meanwhile, the rest of the team has gone to Brazil. Speedball's mother has disappeared with her nature organization; Project: Earth. After searching in the rain-forest for an eternity, we find Project: Earth, and discover that they are actually a group of terrorists (Speedball's mother didn't know that.), and that they have a group of super-powered individuals who are going to do all kind of nasty-wasty stuff to the Brazilian government, so it can serve their course... somehow. This super-powered nature activists are called: THE FORCE OF NATURE!
Behold! The Force Of Nature in all their lameness!
And you know what the sad part is? they had WAY better costumes before they became Force Of Nature.
Of coarse it ends with the Warriors stopping Project: Earth and Force Of Nature, and Speedball reveals his identity to his mother.
Issue seven to nine is... well, I have mixed feelings about them. The Force Of Nature is kind of a downer with their awful costumes, but it was great to see Night Thrasher in action without the Warriors, which is benefiting for him as a character, since he can be overshadowed by his super-powered teammates, and you start to wonder why he is even here. We also get a closer look at his armor, as the Punisher analyze it. He even compliment his bulletproof skateboard. He actually goes so far to consider getting one himself.
Punisher on a skateboard, while shooting up criminals, that would be kinda awesome!
In issue ten we have... ANOTHER team with dumb-looking uniforms instead of costumes...
It's Emma Frost and her team; the Hellions. You see, to figure out Firestar's identity, Thrash hacked into the Hellfire Club's computer system to find it, Frost's personal files, to be specific. Frost is less than pleased about this, and have brought her Hellions, a team of young mutants who work for the Hellfire Club, to find out not only who did it, but also to make Firestar work for Frost again.
They fight for some time, after Frost and Tai agree to let the winning team keep Firestar, and when the Warriors stand victorious, Frost leaves as promised, but mock Firestar that she one day will come crawling back and BEG her to take her back.
Fat chance since the Hellions would be slaughtered few months later by one of Frosts allies. And yes, I'm a horrible person for enjoying her pain.
And in the end of the issue, we see a woman in Egypt who now has gained power enough to rearrange history. This starts the epic three-part story-line: Forever Yesterday!
Which I can't review...
It's not that I don't want to, but I just don't have the issues. Well, that's not entirely true, I DO have the two first issues, but I have been unable to find issue 13, so I can't review it as a whole story.
Now, about issue 7 to 10; they were okay, not great, but okay. Barkly's art is good as always, but the storytelling is only decent here. I can't help it but being annoyed by the uniform teams. But it has plenty of action, some more character development, and it leads up to Silhouette becoming a member of the New Warriors. And it has been implied that there is something suspicious about Tai, who by the way could fight Frost telepathy. But next time, we put it up to eleven with the awesome return of Terrax!
I'm Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

Monday, November 25, 2013

New Warriors Look-Back; issue 2-4

Well, issue one was pretty awesome. The next three issues are, sadly, not as good as the first one. In fact, I actually dont like issue two at all.
In issue two, we learn that Night Thrasher actually fought crime before he gathered the New Warriors, with two super-human siblings named Midnight's Fire and Silhouette... without disguises. It's not that I want them to wear capes and stuff, since this was before Thrasher became a "super-hero," but a ski-mask would probably be an idea, just saying.
They united their forces to fight drug-gangs in China Town, and Thrash even started a romantic relationship with Silhouette. Which makes it even more tragic when she got shot by a cop who thought she were a drug-dealer. Midnight's Fire swears revenge on Thrash AND the police.
And how does he get his revenge? He randomly kills cops, leaving a note, saying: "Thrashed by the night"
... You know, Thrash took him home to his apartment several times when they were working together, so why not just go there and get it over with? Just saying.
The issue is about Thrasher being scared of facing Midnight's Fire, the Warriors and his mentors telling him to grow a pair, and the final confrontation between Midnight's Fire and Night Thrasher. And THAT is the problem with the story; it's WAY to early to let him have a "grand, final confrontation." We just met the guy, give us some time to learn to know him, so we can feel for him.
Besides that, the issue is kinda messy. A lot of stuff haven't been explained, like how Midnight's Fire gained control over China Town(and why), that he didn't kill the cops for revenge, but because he had illegal weapons from A.I.M., and Silhouette is still alive but crippled. It feels like a two-part story made into a one issue story. But I DID like the training scene, where we see the Warriors exercise under the observant eye of Chord, who are by the way a former sergeant from the US army.
Issue three is luckily better. This time, its about the EEEEEVIL company Genetech, who wants to use the New Warriors for their sinister purposes. Because this was a comic from the 90's, so of coarse we needed an evil corporation who wanted to do nasty-wasty things to our heroes.
Genetech apparently works with genetic... stuff, and want to study the Warriors because of their powers, and since they are still very young and inexperienced, it should be easier than with veteran heroes, such as the Avengers. They have hired the Mad Thinker, a mad scientist super-villain, to take a look at the lads. But as he studies them, the Thinker realize that he actually likes this group of teenagers. Not so much for their heroic deeds (good thing, since this is only issue three) but because of the future yet to come which they represent. He was actually close to interfere wile spying on Marvel Boy, when his father were about to beat him. He even contacts the Warriors and warned them about Genetech. And then, Night Thrasher does this:
... Um... he DID know that it was just an android, and not the real Thinker... right?
This issue is pretty fun. We have some more character development, such as Marvel Boy's father starting to hit him again, Thrash trying to rekindle his relationship with Sil, and Speedball having trouble at home with his parent arguing about a nature-organisation his mother has joined. Also, being a comic from the 90's, we have some unintended humor with Firestar and her "normal" friends saying stuff I'm ready to bet money on no teens from the 90's ever said. And we have a sort of the villains answer to a pair of buddy-cops with Thinker and his android Primus. I enjoyed it.
With information from the Thinker, the New Warriors breaks in to the Genetech facility, because "screw the law, we are superheroes!" But they get ambushed by Genetech's group of "lab-rats;" the Psionex. You know something I have noticed while reading comics? The Marvel U sucks at science! Pretty much anything scientifically ends in a disaster. The Psionex are a good example of that. One thing is that you give unstable teenager powers, but when you get that teenager from a mental facility, and gives her a costume and a name like Asylum, you might as well wear a t-shirt that says; "kill me, life is boring!"
... Maybe I should sell t-shirts like that!
We meet Harmon Furmintz, the owner of Genetech. He apparently missed the chance to become Captain America to Steve Rodgers, and has been fixated by creating superpowers ever since. And the Psionex are the result of his research.
Here they are. We have Asylum, a nutcase who has the ability to make you see your worst nightmares (seriously, how can a genius be stupid enough to create THAT!), Coronary, a med-student who can control bodies, Mathemaniac, a math-wiz who now has... math-telekinesis? I dont really get it... Impulse, an aggressive street-thug who now can move with the speed of thought (again, WTF?) and Pretty Persuasions, a stripper (because what would a 90's team be without one of those, or a prostitute, that's even better) who has the ability to make men lust her, witch pretty much means that she is a super-stripper. And for some reason, she can use her stripper-power to create energy-weapons, with her signature weapon being a... No! Hell no! I'm not going to say it! YOU ALL KNOW  WHAT WEAPON IT IS!
In fact, I want you to RIGHT NOW, before you go on with the review, take a piece of paper and write the most obvious weapon a super-stripper could use in he 90's! Do it!
You done? Good, and it is, of coarse: A whip! Seriously, one thing is stereotypes, but this is just TOO MUCH!
Of coarse the Warriors gets out of their imprisonment, being saved by Speedball, who comes in a nick of time and saves the team, so the Warriors can kick the Psionex ass... but they realize that they can't really do anything, since Psionex and Genetech haven't done anything illegal, just stupid. In fact, THEY broke into their property. Bummer.
It's a shame that the Psionex are as forgettable as they are, because they were obviously meant as a counterpart to the New Warriors. They actually have SOME potential, and I kinda dig Mathemaniac, who by the way will be the main character in a pretty interesting story in issue 51. But they were only used in NW, and I understand why, since there are WAY better C-class villains in the Marvel U.

That's all for now. I'm Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

New Warriors Look-Back: issue 1.

Before we start, I would like to add that we won't look at ALL the 75 issues of New Warriors, but the first 26. Not because there is anything wrong with the 49 other, but because its the ones that is collected in the omnibus, that I have heard has been published recently. And I want to go back to making 5-panels, and work with my Ads Of Agony. And it would also take forever, and you would probably have lost interest.
Now, before we look at the story, lets take a look at the cover.
A lot of team books has a cover with the team members posing, or running at us. But instead of that, the New Warriors are BURSTING trough first issues from different series. AWESOME!!!
And they are all here; Firestar, Marvel Boy, the new hero Night Thrasher, Speedball, Namorita and... Kid Nova?
Yeah, I don't know why they call him that on the cover, they never called him that in the comic(I think Speedball did once like a kind of joke). But besides that, it's actually a pretty damn good cover, it captured my eye when I first saw it, and made me buy the comic, simply because I looked awesome aqnd colorful, and I thought that the costumes were pretty cool.
But let's get to the actual story. Remember what I told you about Nova losing his powers? He actually contacted the Fantastic Four in hope that Mr. Fantastic could somehow restore them. After some studies of Rich's body, he discovers that he didn't lose the Nova Force, it were still inside him, but inactive. Night Thrasher, an armored superhero, makes a theory, after hacking the FF’s files, that an adrenaline rush might reactivate the Nova Force in Rich Rider as a knee-jerk reflex.
So he throws him down from the top of a building.
... WTF!?

Yeah, Thrasher is kind of a jerk like that. It’s actually an important aspect of his character. He is brilliant, but prefers “act first, think later” methods. Needles to say, Rich were kinda pissed, and had for a long time a grudge against Thrasher. But hey, it worked, so Rich agreed to form a group with him, if nothing else just to keep an eye on him.
And here we have Marvel Boy, who wants to impress the Avengers, so they would ask him to join the team. He does so by breaking in to their private property, more specifically the mansion. 
Despite this pretty childish (and very illegal) attempt to impress the Avengers, I would like to add that Marvel Boy is in fact actually pretty smart. He has close to encyclopedia knowledge about pretty much anything superhero related, and can name how many super-humans there is in New York... But he can sometimes be kind of a dumb-ass.
After getting his butt saved from the security system by Captain America, Cap tells him that he has only heard good things about him from the Thing, but that the Avengers prefer more experienced heroes. That, and being over 18 helps. But after leaven the Avengers mansion (slightly embarrassed), Marvel Boy gets stopped by Night Thrasher and Nova who offers him a place at their new team.
Kinda odd when you think about that the same guy who threw a guy down from a building to test a theory is all like: "Hey you! Yeah you! Wanna join our vigilante group?"
We learn the Night Thrasher is in fact an extremely wealthy young man named Dwayne Taylor. His parents were killed by criminals, and he has sworn to fight crime and make all criminals pay for what they do to society.
… Yeah, okay, I admit it! He is a Batman rip-off! But if you ask me, he is an improved one. Besides the obvious that he wears a million dollar battle-suit instead of spandex, he also realize that fighting a one-man war against crime, alone in a world with superpowered humans and A.I.M. tech is suicide. And that is why he is gathering a group. We also get introduced to his legal guardians: Cord, the love child of Alfred Pennyworth and Mr. T, and Tai, the stereotype Chinese old lady, who can say whatever the heck she wants, and it would still sound like wisdom because she speak fluent fortune cookie.
Meanwhile, the former herald of Galactus, and a old enemy of the Fantastic Four named Terrax starts to run amok in Queens, but Namorita is there to fight the depowered, but still very powerful Terrax.

While this is happening, Thrasher has “asked” Firestar to join the team. And by asked, I mean threaten her with exposing her identity… Our hero, everybody! He blackmail people to get his will!
It's needless to say that Angel doesn't take it very well.
But before the very peeved Firestar can rip Night Thrasher a new one, the group, who are soon going to be known as the New Warriors, notice the earthquakes from Queens, made by Terrax, and they take off to face the menace.
They actually do pretty well against Terrax (again, I will remind you that he is depowered at the moment) and here comes the panel that made me truly understand how awesome a comic-book series I had brought:
Night Thrasher fighting Terrax on a skateboard! HELL YEAH!!! My inner 90’s kid is playing air guitar right now!
As far as I understand, allot of people makes fun of Thrash for his skateboard, and say that it makes him ridicules. To them, I have this to say: I don’t care how stupid you think it is. THIS is the Marvel U, were you can use a shield as a weapon, a guy with a bow is somehow more effective than one with a gun, and magic can’t cure bullet wounds. So let Thrasher have in skateboard I say!
After fighting Terrax for some time, and Speedball joins the battle, Night Thrasher figure out that Terrax needs to be in contact with the ground, since this is just a temporary form made by earth. So after Thrash orders Nita and Nova to crab him and fly him above the ground... Terrax explodes... Because that’s apparently how it works. Science, ladies and gentlemen!
After the Avengers FINALLY joins the scene (Dude, what the heck?) and unintended takes all the glory, Night Thrasher says “screw them!” and suggest that the six of them form their own team and focus on the kind of crime that the Avengers usually don’t touch. They all agree, even Nova, who are still kinda peeved over getting thrown down from rooftops, and they take the name the news-reporters used to describe them; New Warriors. And thus a legend was born!
… A legend Mark Millar used as cannon fodder in Civil War… yeah, I’m still pissed over that.
That was issue one of the first New Warriors series, and I has to say; It's starting out pretty well. First of all, it has great art by Mark Bargley(long-time Spider-Man artist) and it's very colorful. The fight with Terrax is well executed, and even though we only have seen very little of the characters as individuals, we sense that there is some character building coming. Thrasher, besides being an ass, is a great straight man with his "strictly business" attitude, which is exactly what this bunch of inexperienced and very mixed group of teen-heroes needs to become a functional team, if you ask me. 
Bravo Fabian Nicieza!

I'm Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Prologue to the New Warriors look back.

The New Warriors is, if not my favorite superhero-team, my favorite Marvel team. But it has recently occurred to my that it has been a while since I have read the series, and I wonder; is it as good as I remember, or is it just nostalgia? And since the new New Warriors series is coming next spring, it would be a good idea to tell you about what came before, and that they were more than the group who blew up Stanford. But before we take a look at it, lets figure out who this guys are, and what they did before they became a team.
Namorita is the daughter of Namora, Namors cousin.  After her mother's death, Namorita(or Nita among friends) has lived on the surface world, since Namor entrusted her welfare to his longtime human-friend, Betty Prentiss. Nita is proud of her Atlantean heritage, but she also has a great deal of happiness with her life on the surface world, where she is also getting her college education. We later learn that she is actually a clone of her "mother" who were sterile, and therefor had a foster-clone of herself, with DNA from all Atlantis dead heroes, operated into her by a mad Atlantean scientist… You know, I would have settled with adoption, but hey, I’m weird like that.
Besides the natural abilities of an Atlanean, she has, like Namor, the mutant ability to fly, can breathe on land, and her strength is superior to full-blooded Atlanteans. And she will later mutate into a blue super-Atlantean with extra abilities… but gets turned pink again, because: Screw you, character development.

I have already talked about Speedball in my review of his solo-series, you can read it here!
You probably know Firestar from "Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends", but in the comics, she is... different.
Angelica Jones(or Angel among friends) was one of the not so lucky mutants. Instead of being offered a place at the Xavier Institute, she was getting “help” from Emma Frost. Angel took the name Firestar, and she quickly became very powerful mutant with an outstanding control over her mutant ability to control and project microwave energy. Emma Frost planned to make Firestar her personal assassin, and did everything she could to turn her into a social outcast, like letting her have a couple of tragic event, such as the death of a horse he cared a great deal about, and letting her have as few relationships as possible, in order to make her asocial… HOW THE HELL DID EMMA FROST BECOME A MEMBER OF THE X-MEN? SHE IS FLIPPING EVIL!!!
When Angel finally realize that Frost was the cause of all her misery, and her true intentions with her “education,” a very peeved Angel destroyed Frost base, kicked Frost's telepathic ass, and made her swear that she would get the hell out of her life, and leave her friends and family alone too. BADASS!!!
Angel had no interest in being a superhero, so she came home to her father, and lived a normal life.
Vance Astrovic possibly has the weirdest origin of all the Warriors. As a teenager, he was contacted by his future counterpart, Major Victory, who wanted to save Vance from a future the Major had to suffer, including living the rest of his life in a containment suit. But, unintentionally, he ended up screwing up the poor boys. 
BTW; I dont know much about Major Victory, besides that he is the founder and leader of the team named Guardians Of The Galaxy, so please tell me if it is a good series.
After Major Victory made the boy give up being an astronaut, Vance mutagen, who granted him telekinesis, activates much earlier than Victory’s did, and this gave birth to two timelines, where the teenage Vance belonged in the 616 one (the mainstream universe). Vance's father, who abused him physically, now had an extra reason to beat up his son. Vance ran away from home and joined a wrestling-show under the name “Marvel Boy.” He met and became friend with the Thing, who also were a wrestler at the moment too, and he convinced the kid to go home after a serious talk with Vance's parents.
Richard Rider was a normal teenager, besides having an extremely intelligent little brother. He would probably end up with a normal life(or as normal as possible, living in the Marvel Universe) if it wasn't for the Nova Corps, an intergalactic peace-keeping force that was based on the planet Xandar, kinda like the Green Lantern Corps. The planet Xandar was destroyed (get used to that, it’s a bad habit Xandar has), and with it, the Nova Corps. The dying Nova Prime was in need of a successor, and he picked Rich to receive the Nova Force, which gave him  super-strength, durability and the ability to fly. He was also granted an alien-tech helmet. Rich started a superhero career as Nova, the Human Rocket.
After restoring the planet Xandar (long story), and been in space for over a year, Rich wanted to go home, and agreed to give up the Nova Force. A decision he would later regret, since he had missed his chance to get his high school education, had to get a crappy job as burger flipper, and his girlfriend Ginger was now engaged to, what would soon be, a very abusive husband... Bummer.

This are the heroes who would form the New Warriors. Tomorrow, we shall take a look at the very first issue, and I shall try to control my inner 90's kid and be as critical as possible.
I'm Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Aquaman; The Trench in 5 panels.

Well Aquaman, the way you handled those bank-robbers show that your not WET BEHIND THE EARS! 
That's your wife? Man, she is QUITE A CATCH!
Wow, with that many monsters, you are IN DEEP WATER!
You saved the day! Im so happy I could CRY AN OCEAN!
Look, are we done with the jokes? Its getting a little old now.

(But Seriously, The Trench is pretty good.)

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Ads Of Agony; Got Milk?

You ever get peeved when you are reading about how Batman is about to get eaten by a horde of Penguin's psycho penguins, and it gets interrupted by two pages of ads? As a collector of single issues I can see why a TPB can be more tempting. But some of the ads are pretty damn weird. So weird that you almost enjoy them. Like this one:
Now this one is a classic. Someone really macho and cool, like the Hulk, with a milk-beard. Implying that if you drink milk, you might grow up to be just like him!
WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT!!! This is the Hulk! His life sucks! The entire world is constantly after him, his love-life is painful, he has trauma that would make even the best psychiatrist give up. In fact, his psychiatrist stabbed him in the back!
And there are two more, one with Batman, and one with Wolverine. Oh yes, there is someone I want to be like!
That must be one of he worst ways to advertise your product, that's all I'm saying. If you drink milk, your life sucks... But that must mean that milk is... EVIL! Oh my lord, that means that cows are evil too!
I KNEW IT! The Indians had it ALL wrong! Maybe THAT'S the purpose of "Got Milk?" ads; to warn us against the poison of milk, and that we must kill all the cows if we ever want to be safe. Well vegetarians, you are either with us or the cows! DEATH TO ALL DEMON-COWS!!!

I'm Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Justice League Of America; The Tornado's Path in 5 panels

Screw the candidates we used forever to discus however should join the team or not. 
Being part of the League is the bestest thing EVAH!
I'm Pinocchio on steroids!
Every time I start to cry, take a drink.
 Did we mention how great the League is?
I'm the new leader of the Justice League!
Because; shut up!